Teej's Secret Box

For years, I have been telling myself, “Self, when I get a wife, and kids, I will have to retire from traveling on the road, because I can not imagine being without them.”

There are far too many stories by the media of kids with their dad being on the road for days on to the end, bemoaning the loss of their father, and whatever guilt-laden reasoning for their own failings due to the absence of their poppa.

It have been over four weeks since Heather moved in with me. Just last week, I came up with a realization that even in this world, this issue is not quite as black and white as I thought it would be. You see, by traveling, I bring myself out of that house for days on to the end, allowing Heather and myself to be able to do our own things.

We are a very intimate pair of people, longing to touch and hug and be with each other. This desire cut into our own pre-existing needs to get things done. Bills, repairs, errands, and to-do lists are one thing that we need to take care of. However, it is self-reflection, doing our own things, and returning to our own worlds that are also very important for ourselves. While we enjoy talking with each other to a great extent, we also have many friends and families that we treasure to a great extent.

And the greatest thing about traveling? We get to experience reuniting with each other every week. How cool is that, eh?

With a yawn, a stretch, and carefully placed scratches done in a deep stupor, I am now ready for some blog posting.  Yes, I have been neglecting my Wii Fit exercises, but I got something better in return.  Yes, I have been neglecting posting on the blog, but I was doing something better.  Yes, my life is one hectic mess especially at work, but I was generously rewarded over the weekend.

As some may know, I met and fell in love with a wonderful woman back in June while visiting Salt Lake City while she was in town for work.  It was a perfect opportunity, I thought — to meet a couple of old classmates from decades in the past and catch up on the news with them.

An old classmate turns out to be something so much more.  We spent so much time talking to each other on ooVoo, using webcams.  Our hands flew, expressing our thoughts in ASL.  We talked politics, weather, sports, computers, and our love for each other.  There would sometimes be a few lulls in the conversations, leaving us to stare at each other, and then the conversation somehow got restarted and went anew.

She enlightens me, and emboldens me.  We understood each other with such great ease, and trust each other with such fullness.  There is such a comfort level I feel, that makes me feel so alive.  A friend noted it the best — “I am so living.”

We both are very rational, trying to be sure we are not doing something wrong, but every time I try to find a new wall to bump into, I keep stumbling across into new boundaries.  I learned so much about myself, and how I love people, because I am exploring new territories with her.

Our relationship is unorthodox.  It is also limited by distance — she lives in Virginia, and I live in Arizona.  So many mile separate us, so much desire pulls us.

How unorthodox is it, you may ask?  Well, it just so happens that she is married.  Not only that, her husband knows and have approved of it.  How can it be?  But do read on, my dear reader.

We finally met again at her place over the Independence Day weekend, and there were such passion, so much release of pent-up demand.

Fortunately for you, my dear readers, it is not all I have done.  I was able to meet with several fantastic friends.  They were quite hilarious, and were quite a wonderful group to hang out with.  We went to the Salem Fair together on its opening day, and had a blast.  We had one friend’s daughter’s birthday party, and a social cookout event the same day, where I got to meet old friends and teachers from days long past.

Enough of that chit-chat, you cries!  What is the story behind my lover and her husband?  Well, we are auditioning for a new movie, “The Thief, The German Cook, His Wife, and Her Lover part 2”.  I am still waiting on Gysen to opt in for playing the role of The Thief….

(Okay, that’s an inside joke that only Jill would understand.  Sorry to the rest of you folks.)

Seriously, Heather and her husband both have a long-standing agreement that they are welcome to be with anyone for a nice fun in the romp as long as they make sure each other knows ahead of time.  It was slightly misunderstood that it really was limited to just a fun romp, and not a “Let’s fall in love with the World” kind of thing.

Somehow, in this whole plot of having a fun romp, Heather and I just hit it off well, too well.  It is not a matter of intimacy we craves (although that is something we both identify with as our main “Five Love Language”), but also the bonding that we somehow achieved over time.  I looked over to Heather at one moment at Salt Lake City, and told her that I trust her.  For those of you who really understand me, this is a major leap of faith.  Hell, I never trusted Jill completely, and she has been my closest friend for years.  In a moment, I now understood why it is possible, and yet why it can seem so cruel to those who fails to win this trust from the ones they lust after.

It is the willingness to involve someone with you in every single aspect of your life (except going to poop, we will pass up on that, thank you very much.)  It is the implicit understanding that we are responsible for each other on many levels, as it is us versus the world.

Or in our case, Peter, Heather, and me versus the world.  But Peter did not quite expect that.  He thought it was still just a fun romp wit long-term.  But when he saw us together, his fears that have been nagging him for years flamed up.  Throughout the week, I knew there were something’s up, and struggled to gain his trust enough to find out what it could be.

Finally, he expressed his thoughts over a course of a couple days, enough for me to wonders what I have been missing.  It turns out that Heather and Peter both have been having some struggles with inertia on their relationship, due to classic signs of misunderstanding due to cultural differences.  Peter is a true German, while Heather and I like to pretend from time to time.  He is hearing, while we are deaf.  Those subtle differences are still enough to ruin perfectly good relationships.

But it did not ruin this one.  As much as I would like to take the credits, it was they who were willing to listen, discuss, and find new ways to rekindle their own relationship.  It is clear they both deeply love each other, but they don’t understand each other perfectly.

First step I took was to make them read “Five Love Languages” – a task they will have to do soon.  Secondly, I took Heather aside, and after relaxing her a bit, started asking her for her side of the issues I have heard from Peter.  It was an enlightening experience, as she admits that she did not want to involve me in this struggle.  I had to point out that love is a journey through the good and the bad – the fantastic experiences, and the deep struggles.  Taking the journey together is the whole point.

The following morning, I got her to be with Peter, and they both came clean – sharing their fears, concerns, and thoughts.  They came down with me to continue the discussion, where it became clear that misunderstandings were pretty much the cause of it all.  It is amazing that when a person desires something to help improve their own life, it can easily be interpreted as the willingness to leave the other person if that person is a roadblock to said improvement.

It is very subtle, and something I am glad to be able to help point out.  The release was clear, and the trust in each one of us grew the more we understood each other.

My relationship with Heather as a lover, and Peter as her husband is growing every day.  We both find the time to chat every moment we could, and I am longing to return to see them, especially Heather (no offense, Peter – I am a ladies man. )

The funny thing about this whole thing – I do not feel as if I must be exclusive to Heather, nor does she wish for me to be so.  If I happens to find wonderful people out there that mutually wants to be together, we could, as long as Heather knows.  Yet with this new relationship, I do not feel in a rush to pick the nearest woman (despite a few obviously wanting a round or two).  After all, Heather has indeed been spoiling me.

I know this will be a shock to people out there, but as I see it now:  I don’t care.  I do care for my lover and her family’s welfare, and will guard it zealously.

I had a great weekend, and I look forward toward many more.

P.S.  Hai Majide!

Wii Fit - Age 32 - 34 minutes.

* * *

This past week, I had the great luck in meeting up with my old classmates.  Donnie was two years behind me, and Heather was 4 years below in grade school.  It turns out that Donnie lives in Salt Lake City, and Heather was heading there for the weekend to work at her company’s headquarters.  Since I have never been to Salt Lake City, what better time to pay the city a visit than this past weekend?

I am so glad I went, for many different reasons.  I learned so much more about the history behind the Church of the Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints.  I reformed wonderful friendships with Heather and Donnie.  I got to meet Shelly again, a classmate whom I have not seen since I was a kid as she was several years ahead.  I also got to appreciate two awesome restaurants, and explore a new city of my own.

* * *

I met up with Donnie, Heather, and Shelly for dinner at the Tuscany Italian restaurant out near the mountains.  Donnie was joined by his wife, TC, and their beautiful daughter who is just starting to take her first few steps at 9 months of age.  The restaurant was top-notched.  Granted, it was not a luxury experience on par with the five stars restaurants, but it held its own against the competition.  Service was excellent, and the conversation flowed like unimpeded water.  Catching up on the years, it was a great experience.

* * *

I also met up with Donnie the following day, and have him give me a tour of his church’s sacred grounds - the Temple Square. This location is home to the infamous Salt Lake Temple.  Lesser known for its location, but well known for its choir, Tabernacle is located next to the Temple.  Tucked to a corner, the Assembly Hall is a very lovely small church building built with the leftover stones from the Salt Lake Temple.

Donnie and I met up with several missionaries, including two Sisters (a female equivalent to the male’s Elders), some who knew ASL, and one knowing British Sign Language.  Whatever they may not know, they made it up with their eagerness to answer my history questions, including the purpose of having three sacred buildings on the same site.

It turns out that the Temple is meant for an individual or small group worship toward their God, not as a big temple auditorium like Basilica di San Pietro in Vaticano.  Instead, that role is assigned to the Tabernacle, and the Assembly Hall’s gatherings are conducted by volunteers rather than ministers.  All three buildings serve unique purposes for LDS faithful.

There were several enlightening moments like that, and so much worth the exposure to understand this religion.  The rest of Salt Lake City was nice, including the Trax, something I know a certain friend would drool over if she is in town.

* * *

Heather and I went to the Bohemian Brewery, a wonderful Deutsch pub.  It was so nice to eat traditional brats, although by Heather’s claims, it was not quite as traditional, as the appropriate mustard, Lowensenf, was not served.  Instead, the restaurant opted to use the close cousin’s version - Grey Poupon - due to its availability.  Considering how much I like Grey Poupon, I am quite curious about this particular mustard.

I had the unfiltered white ale called Bavarian wier.  Despite the label, it is not all that cloudy, which separate it from its peers.  It was extremely tasty, and I was only limited by the knowledge that I had to drive afterward.

Altogether, the brewery is an amazing find, and something I would strongly recommend to anyone who is seeking some traditional Deutsch fare.

* * *

It is so much worth it to catch with your friends, as some of them may alter your previous naive opinion about them.  To be able to gain new respect and a few wonderful friendships are so wonderful.  I thank them all from the bottom of my heart for meeting up with me.

Note, you can see the complete photo album here.

Man, I went to bed way too late, and got up with only 6 hours of sleep.  That happens when you meet your old friends.  Hence, I only did the Wii Fit test, and it noticed that I was tired; giving me a Wii Age that was much older than it was (46 compared to 38 the previous day.)

However, I did complete uploading my Utah trip pictures.  You can see them here.  It was a wonderful weekend.  Speaking of which, I will actually be in Utah again this weekend, meeting with old classmates from high school in Salt Lake City.  It will be fun seeing them again after a decade and half.

Please note:  If you want to have a print of the pictures, please do not use the ones here.  Just contact me with the name of the file you want printed, the location you want me to forward it to (CVS/Walgreen/Costco/et cetera), and the name you want it to be printed for.  Just pay for it and you’ll get a nice edited image for your frames.

* * *

Speaking of Maribeth, we had a great dinner at this restaurant, Pink Pepper Thai Cuisine.  The food was very fresh, and well made, and the waitress were very respectful — willing to use what limited sign language skills she had, and was open to learning more.  With enough deaf folks, perhaps she will become a pro at serving us.

* * *

I made some major progress on the testing part for my project, but I still have a long road to go.  I wish my tool does not chatter so much on the internet, because with my client, it goes from their laptop to their VPN server somewhere in San Diego, and then to the actual server in New Jersey.  With so much chatter, the tool slows down in a major way.

So I downloaded a new Oracle database program, and hopefully will find the time to install it tomorrow.

* * *

Overall, it was a very good day for me, but not the best for my work productivity.  Just need to keep plugging at it, and hopefully will have a database set up, and several new tables populated tomorrow.  With a massage that was sorely overdue, a great dinner, chatting with old classmates and friends; it definitely was a good day.

This is just a random thought process I had observing the country as a whole:

*  Aruba is in the middle of one wicked windy spot on Earth.  It’s part of the reason why most resorts are on the south-west corner of the island — to buffer against the wind, and have a beach away from the fierce ocean currents.

*  Sun is the rule for Aruba — despite the humidity thanks to the hot air sucking the ocean dry, the stiff winds tend to push the cloud away, and onward toward Panama.  Rainfalls are very rare for the island, and did not even happen while I was there.

*  People are actually very nice, and seemily happy during the day.  Very rare do I see a frowning native while walking around.

*  Despite the wealth, security guards are still hired to guard stores at night.  Apparently, crime and crazy tourists have been enough of a problem to force visible security measures to discourage said idioticy.

*  Tap water is better than bottled water.  Seriously.  The desalination plant does a fantastic job, and the pipes seems to be new enough to transport water without much of a mineral leeching.  This is quite unusual with Latin America countries, some which implore you to not drink their tap water due to different sanitary methods (bacteria that US natives are not used to having in their stomach.)

*  There were several hundred of striking government workers outside the Parlament building, as they have for the past few weeks, demanding better pay and benefits (no raises since 2003, apparently.)  Aruba’s Government is in the midst of trying to have a balanced budget by 2009, so this is a tough situation, as they are trying to ensure self sufficiency as a nation (yes, they’re formerly a dutch colony, but they are even more independent than Pureco Rico.  Here’s hoping they both can find

*  Sales tax is actually tiny if not non-existing.  In the meantime, service fees are commonplace.

*  Aruba apparently mandate having inspectors at all of the entrance to the casinos on the island.  However, despite said inspectors, age restrictions are not strictly enforced (drinking is 16, gambling is 18.)  Even more funny, I keep seeing older teenagers stand at the entrance of those casinos, peeking in, and probably wondering if they could actually sneak in to play their allowance of $10.  Silly kids.

*  There are more billboards in English than there are in Dutch or the local Aruba’s language combined.  They love America, ja ja ja!  (If you actually get the reference, let me know, I got a prize for you - seriously.)

*  Riding in the back of a boat in open ocean brings you great risk of being wet thanks to spraying water slamming onto you thanks to stiff winds.  Riding on the front of the boat bring you great risk of back injury as the boat bounces up and down over wakes.  Your call.

*  Apparently, when you ask the hotel concierge if they provide a private table massage service, they would misinterpret it as finding you a provider of happy endings, and thanks to their conservative Catholic upbringing would refuse to even dignify a response to you.  Lady, my back hurts for attention, not my nuts!

*  Even despite this being an island with known roads, a taxi driver STILL can get lost taking you to the airport.  Insane, but true.

*  VIP Lounge at the airport only open from 2pm to 10pm.  Apparently, nobody who fly out in the morning or early afternoon is important in any way, no sir!

*  Aruba have better taste buds than Costa Rica.  Sad, but true.  It is absolutely insane how one place would have plenty of tasty spices to add to anything, especially rice, and another nearby worships rice and bean without any extra spices.

*  Aruba’s zoning law is screwed up.  Where else would you find FOUR… FOUR grocery stores right next to each other?  It is as if someone said, “Okay, only grocery stores go here, and only banks go there, and only restaurants go over there…”

*  Apparently, a beachfront property is not good enough, so they must have a big fat mosquito-infested pond right in their backyard.  Yeah.  Not pool.  Pond.  BIG pond.  Bigger than my back yard.  No pretty fountains.

*  As seen at the hotel’s channel listing:  US TV channels - Sex, violence, profanity, and more!  Venuzula TV channels - Chavez reading his missives for hours on to the end.  I bet Directv is making big bucks selling US TV channels to long-suffering citizens of Venuzula.

*  No matter how high I am, I can’t see Venuzula, much to my disappointment.  I can see the dozens of oil tankers, although they may be taking their turns at Aruba’s oil mines.

*  Taxi cabs do not have parking meters.  All fares are set by the government.  Nobody was willing to show me the list of fare pricing.