Teej's Secret Box

For years, I have been telling myself, “Self, when I get a wife, and kids, I will have to retire from traveling on the road, because I can not imagine being without them.”

There are far too many stories by the media of kids with their dad being on the road for days on to the end, bemoaning the loss of their father, and whatever guilt-laden reasoning for their own failings due to the absence of their poppa.

It have been over four weeks since Heather moved in with me. Just last week, I came up with a realization that even in this world, this issue is not quite as black and white as I thought it would be. You see, by traveling, I bring myself out of that house for days on to the end, allowing Heather and myself to be able to do our own things.

We are a very intimate pair of people, longing to touch and hug and be with each other. This desire cut into our own pre-existing needs to get things done. Bills, repairs, errands, and to-do lists are one thing that we need to take care of. However, it is self-reflection, doing our own things, and returning to our own worlds that are also very important for ourselves. While we enjoy talking with each other to a great extent, we also have many friends and families that we treasure to a great extent.

And the greatest thing about traveling? We get to experience reuniting with each other every week. How cool is that, eh?

What would you say to a relationship that was born out of a woman who was married with a guy and a single man, ending up with the married guy pushing the woman out, despite previously approving of this relationship, and the woman moving in with the single guy after knowing each other for only 2 1/2 months at a distance?

Whatever it is, I am experiencing it. As the single guy in question.

Yes, I do love her, but… I definitely did not expect any of this to happen. It just does, from the very beginning.

It’s so funny, I gave up looking for women earlier this year, and bam, she comes in the picture, as a former classmate from school (younger than myself, thou). She got pregnant after high school, and married the father, had another kid, and had an open relationship with him.

Then she met me. And now she’s still adjusting on being away from her kids, even though she’s a lot less stressed out by being away from him and being with me these days.

And damn, isn’t the lovemaking the best thing I have ever experienced?!

Experiencing this from this role have really opened my eyes to new aspect of this kind of relationships.

(Naturally, there are plenty who hate either her, me or us for what have happened.)

Special Note:  Please take some time to read the following posts before reading this one, they are all posted immediately below this post:  Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

* * *

We all make choices out of many different reasons.

Some are rational.  Some are not quite as rational.

Some are planned.  Some are not quite as planned.

When it comes to love, far too many people would gladly tell you that they knew from the moment they met a person that they would marry him/her.  A dear friend of mine who had sex with hundreds of women, and is known as a playboy suddenly found himself very monogamous, and very faithful to a wonderful wife he just married a couple months ago, simply because he knew from the first night that she will be his wife.

I saw Heather in person.  I fell in love with Heather.  It is still early, so I am still being a bit cautious.  However, unlike any other women, I have felt that I could trust her completely.  No, not like the other women I’ve loved — completely.  Does it matter that she has a different person in her life too?  Yes, it does matter to a great deal that we must work with each other.  It is a difficult challenge, and not one that would work on many people.

But I do not follow any cultural norms of my society.  I follow the beat to my own drummer, just as those nijab-wearing American women.  I realize that life is not skewed like those “religious” people would like you to believe.

And most importantly of all, I will NOT hold the details back; especially with people I love and care about, even though it may not be something they want to hear.

Heed my words well:  Do not lie on my behalf.  I am open because I feel true with my situation at this time.  If it does not work out, it would suck — but that is all part of life.  Do not lie and cover the fact that we are all different.  Work toward an openness, acceptance, and love for your fellow people, especially your own family.

To those that have accepted this — thank you.  You are indeed friends I am blessed of knowing.

In ancient Egyptian times, it was believed that when people die, they would go to the other side, but they would need to take their body and their valuables with them, just so they can keep their elite status going.

That eventually died out, pun intended.

Then it was noticed that if you bury bodies, people around yourself doesn’t die out as quickly, so it became a custom, and eventually involved in a religious ritual.

As I continue to fly over the countryside, I keep seeing those cemeteries.  More often than not, they appears to be empty, devoid of mourning people as everyone seems to be busy trying to make a life for themselves (especially if we are to keep up with the Jones.)

However, there are still people out there who are fiercely devout to the idea of burial instead of cremation or any other means of interning the dead.  It was all due to their upbringing on specific type of faith, and the strong internal belief that things should be done a specific way.

However, the rest of the family is more progressive on this subject, so when my mom passed away, she was cremated.  It is nice that I was able to visit her urn in the comfort of my Dad’s home, just so I can remember her without having to fight the elements.

However, it was generally believed that sharing this information with my Grandfather was not a wise move.  Apparently, he held the belief that cremation is “wrong.”

Nonetheless, my mother was cremated, conservative Catholic background or not.  I am quite sure Granddad knew once he got over to the other side, and met up with Mom.  I doubt he loved her any less for choosing this.

With a yawn, a stretch, and carefully placed scratches done in a deep stupor, I am now ready for some blog posting.  Yes, I have been neglecting my Wii Fit exercises, but I got something better in return.  Yes, I have been neglecting posting on the blog, but I was doing something better.  Yes, my life is one hectic mess especially at work, but I was generously rewarded over the weekend.

As some may know, I met and fell in love with a wonderful woman back in June while visiting Salt Lake City while she was in town for work.  It was a perfect opportunity, I thought — to meet a couple of old classmates from decades in the past and catch up on the news with them.

An old classmate turns out to be something so much more.  We spent so much time talking to each other on ooVoo, using webcams.  Our hands flew, expressing our thoughts in ASL.  We talked politics, weather, sports, computers, and our love for each other.  There would sometimes be a few lulls in the conversations, leaving us to stare at each other, and then the conversation somehow got restarted and went anew.

She enlightens me, and emboldens me.  We understood each other with such great ease, and trust each other with such fullness.  There is such a comfort level I feel, that makes me feel so alive.  A friend noted it the best — “I am so living.”

We both are very rational, trying to be sure we are not doing something wrong, but every time I try to find a new wall to bump into, I keep stumbling across into new boundaries.  I learned so much about myself, and how I love people, because I am exploring new territories with her.

Our relationship is unorthodox.  It is also limited by distance — she lives in Virginia, and I live in Arizona.  So many mile separate us, so much desire pulls us.

How unorthodox is it, you may ask?  Well, it just so happens that she is married.  Not only that, her husband knows and have approved of it.  How can it be?  But do read on, my dear reader.

We finally met again at her place over the Independence Day weekend, and there were such passion, so much release of pent-up demand.

Fortunately for you, my dear readers, it is not all I have done.  I was able to meet with several fantastic friends.  They were quite hilarious, and were quite a wonderful group to hang out with.  We went to the Salem Fair together on its opening day, and had a blast.  We had one friend’s daughter’s birthday party, and a social cookout event the same day, where I got to meet old friends and teachers from days long past.

Enough of that chit-chat, you cries!  What is the story behind my lover and her husband?  Well, we are auditioning for a new movie, “The Thief, The German Cook, His Wife, and Her Lover part 2”.  I am still waiting on Gysen to opt in for playing the role of The Thief….

(Okay, that’s an inside joke that only Jill would understand.  Sorry to the rest of you folks.)

Seriously, Heather and her husband both have a long-standing agreement that they are welcome to be with anyone for a nice fun in the romp as long as they make sure each other knows ahead of time.  It was slightly misunderstood that it really was limited to just a fun romp, and not a “Let’s fall in love with the World” kind of thing.

Somehow, in this whole plot of having a fun romp, Heather and I just hit it off well, too well.  It is not a matter of intimacy we craves (although that is something we both identify with as our main “Five Love Language”), but also the bonding that we somehow achieved over time.  I looked over to Heather at one moment at Salt Lake City, and told her that I trust her.  For those of you who really understand me, this is a major leap of faith.  Hell, I never trusted Jill completely, and she has been my closest friend for years.  In a moment, I now understood why it is possible, and yet why it can seem so cruel to those who fails to win this trust from the ones they lust after.

It is the willingness to involve someone with you in every single aspect of your life (except going to poop, we will pass up on that, thank you very much.)  It is the implicit understanding that we are responsible for each other on many levels, as it is us versus the world.

Or in our case, Peter, Heather, and me versus the world.  But Peter did not quite expect that.  He thought it was still just a fun romp wit long-term.  But when he saw us together, his fears that have been nagging him for years flamed up.  Throughout the week, I knew there were something’s up, and struggled to gain his trust enough to find out what it could be.

Finally, he expressed his thoughts over a course of a couple days, enough for me to wonders what I have been missing.  It turns out that Heather and Peter both have been having some struggles with inertia on their relationship, due to classic signs of misunderstanding due to cultural differences.  Peter is a true German, while Heather and I like to pretend from time to time.  He is hearing, while we are deaf.  Those subtle differences are still enough to ruin perfectly good relationships.

But it did not ruin this one.  As much as I would like to take the credits, it was they who were willing to listen, discuss, and find new ways to rekindle their own relationship.  It is clear they both deeply love each other, but they don’t understand each other perfectly.

First step I took was to make them read “Five Love Languages” – a task they will have to do soon.  Secondly, I took Heather aside, and after relaxing her a bit, started asking her for her side of the issues I have heard from Peter.  It was an enlightening experience, as she admits that she did not want to involve me in this struggle.  I had to point out that love is a journey through the good and the bad – the fantastic experiences, and the deep struggles.  Taking the journey together is the whole point.

The following morning, I got her to be with Peter, and they both came clean – sharing their fears, concerns, and thoughts.  They came down with me to continue the discussion, where it became clear that misunderstandings were pretty much the cause of it all.  It is amazing that when a person desires something to help improve their own life, it can easily be interpreted as the willingness to leave the other person if that person is a roadblock to said improvement.

It is very subtle, and something I am glad to be able to help point out.  The release was clear, and the trust in each one of us grew the more we understood each other.

My relationship with Heather as a lover, and Peter as her husband is growing every day.  We both find the time to chat every moment we could, and I am longing to return to see them, especially Heather (no offense, Peter – I am a ladies man. )

The funny thing about this whole thing – I do not feel as if I must be exclusive to Heather, nor does she wish for me to be so.  If I happens to find wonderful people out there that mutually wants to be together, we could, as long as Heather knows.  Yet with this new relationship, I do not feel in a rush to pick the nearest woman (despite a few obviously wanting a round or two).  After all, Heather has indeed been spoiling me.

I know this will be a shock to people out there, but as I see it now:  I don’t care.  I do care for my lover and her family’s welfare, and will guard it zealously.

I had a great weekend, and I look forward toward many more.

P.S.  Hai Majide!