Teej's Secret Box

Well, since I made that missive about me being listless, I decided to make the most of the days I’m home, trying to make up for my past failings, in hope to save this job.

I finally got to clean up my bathroom, after getting a haircut and shaved everything I could shave.  The bathroom and bedroom have not been as clean as it is in months.  I actually dug up old cat hairs which, despite my previous cleanings, were still there.  Jill would be proud of me.

I got the 2nd year for the president $1 coins.  Purty!

I got Wii Fit.  For those who do not know, it’s basically an exercise program along with a balance board.  Very simple in design — there’s four sensors, one for each corner.  However, this design is well done, as it can weight me (190.9 lbs.  Grrr), and detect my motion as I go through the paces.  I plans on using it every day, and will be using it for about a half hour tonight after I finish this.

I am washing 5 loads of clothes, rugs, and sheets.  Wee.  For some reason, my laundry machine is not detecting the lid being closed as easily as it used to.  I hope it does not forecast a new laundry machine or a repairman in the near future.

I went shopping today for food, despite promising myself to do it last night.  Bad me.  I also spent $75 on food, for two reasons:

$27 was toward a really thick cut (think 2 inches) of ribeye that I asked for specifically today, three pounds altogether, making 4 servings.  Oh my god, the Alton Brown method of cooking steak is so much better with thicker steak.  It’s still not the best of cut, too fatty.  What is the Alton Brown method?  Simple:  Bake the steak with a thermostat at 270 until it hit 100 inside.  Pan-fry it with olive oil to preference (1-2 minutes per side).  I like it rare/medium rare, and I use a Jaccard meat tenderizer to break down the meat a bit more.  I dry-rubbed it with garlic, black pepper, and bacon salt seasoning.  Delicious!

$20 was toward Black Box Merlot ‘06 wine.  It is a 3 liter box of a pretty good Merlot.  When I was visiting my family, Dad proudly shared his find, a $2.99 Walmart wine - Oak Leaf Merlot.  It was actually not bad if you consider it as a table wine.  It does the job for beef dishes.  However, this Black Box Merlot claims to be far better due to better selections and processing of grapes.  The founder of this brand noted that Europeans are used to this concept of using boxes instead of bottles for their premium wines to save on costs.  The big advantage for me is to have a wine container that will NOT go bad quickly when I actually open it.  Living by yourself, you have to decide whether to drink the whole bottle within a day, or find a use for the leftover.  For red wines, there’s not much of an option, and it is such a waste when you spend so much for the wine.  With Black Box, I could keep it for up to 4 weeks, which gives me plenty of time to appreciate the wine without getting too drunk.  This one was worthy of a side companion to the ribeye I had tonight.  I definitely will try boxed wines more often now that there are good brands available for a good price.

That was a great dinner.

I also got both of my NAS (Network Access Server) set up properly to allow me to print remotely, and use as a FTP (File Transfer Protocol) to back up my files anywhere.  It was silly — an option that I have long shunned for a while, and forgot about — “Client for Windows Network” was disabled, hence I was not able to locate the printer.  Once it was enabled on my laptop, I am able to print from the kitchen table to my printer in the office.  Woo!

Things to do tomorrow:

• Clean kitchen.
• Take out recycle bin (along with all the recyclable in the kitchen at the moment)
• Play Wii Fit and Wii Sports for 1-2 hours.
• Do a little yard maintenance, and hang one of the crystals in the balcony.
• Work on project for 2-4 hours.
• Go through magazines I got in mail, 1-2 hours.
• Go to Home Depot, and get light bulb replacement for ceiling fan in office, and to see how I can fix the brick wall which has loose bricks at the moment.
• Clean and upload pictures from the trip to Utah.

Things I need to do long term:

• Start a craigslist of my stuff.
• See if I can find a cheaper version of the air filter I’m using.
• Find a landscaper.  Old one moved away due to “lack of business.”
• Shop on Zappo’s for new shoes.
• Find someone in Asia to send me tablets of “Mysterious Fruit” aka “Miracle Fruit” - this stuff actually suppress bitter/sour senses in your tongue, allowing you to taste the natural sweetness of stuff that may be bitter or sour.  Sen Yun seems to sell them.
• Find places that accept donations of larger furniture, in case craigslist don’t sell them off.
• Get a TV for the office in order to hook up my videophone to.  There’s far too many friends who been asking me to get my VP200 set up, so I might as well.

That is all for now.

Over the past year or so, I have found my productivity to be wanting.  Instead of doing the best for my customers, I found myself procrastinating on work, simply because I find it boring.  It has gotten to the point where my reputation is most likely shot, and I am now one of the legions of consultants that many have grown to hate.  It really does not feel good to be one of those people who just leech money away from your company doing very little to help contribute to it.  But this feeling still does not compel me to work.

This past Memorial Day weekend, I found myself at my family’s house and vineyard, where they are growing Merlot and Viognier grapes.  Laid on about 3 acres, populated with three dogs, and three horses, it is a nice rural home with all of the creature comforts.  A result of several years (I want to say three years, but my memory may be failing me here) of extremely hard labor, mostly by one guy - my brother in law - with help by his wife - my sister - they both built this small precious world out of acidic forested grounds.

They did it because they want to do it.  They both love their dogs, and they wanted horses to raise and ride on.  My brother-in-law went even further, desiring a young difficult female horse to train and ride on.  They initially planned on two horses, and lately been discussing about getting a fourth horse to be a mother, and raise a baby horse.

They will be harvesting their first batch of grapes this fall (hopefully, if everything cooperates from the weather to the wildlife), and send it off to a winery to have wines made.

I sat there outside, and thought about what they have done.  Tucker, one of their dogs - a corgi welsh, tried his best to keep me occupied by having me throw a Frisbee or a rubber ball for him to fetch with great glee.  While throwing, I still wonder - would I ever be able to do something like this?

Right now, the answer is no.  There is one key difference between myself and the two of them:  They want it.  They want to ride horses.  They want to farm.  They want to live in the great open sky.  They want to even go as far as buying more lands at great expenses just to preserve the privacy they are enjoying.  They want to appreciate a nice hot tub under the stars.  They want a lot of things, and they are actually doing all they can to achieve their dreams.  Since they desire this, they are far more willing to put in the great effort on doing the little annoying things to achieve their dreams.

They have to spray the grapes because there’s a great risk of the plants getting fungus.  They have to groom their horses.  They have to mow the grass.  They have to clean the horse poops 3 times a day.  They have to feed the animals.  They have to maintain a lot of their equipments.

I do not want a farm.  I do not desire a wide open land of grass to mow.  I do not want dogs.  I do not want horses.  I do not want to be confined to my home at the expense of not traveling.  I do not want to do any of those things.  It is not in my desire to live a life like that.

I really enjoy the place.  I love the dogs.  I find the horses fascinating.  But as the saying goes, I would rather be an uncle, than a father - all the fun stuff, without the nasty stuff.  I really appreciate the hard work my family done.  I really appreciate the efforts my peers and others have made to get things done.  I just do not want to do it.

Is that a character flaw for me?  The attitude I am holding here at work, not desiring to do the dirty work anymore, although I enjoy this stuff on a much more superficial level?  I do chat and hold great conversations with my peers.  But when they go back and code up something because they have to, I go back and seek other stuff to learn about.

It is not that I hate this job - I love to travel.  I love to meet new people.  I love to explore new things.  I am just not doing what I am supposed to do - work my butt off, and get this project done.  That’s why even though I feel a renewed resolve to finish this project, I know this will go away, and I will slack off once again.

What do I really want to do, and how can I make a living doing what I want?  What is there that I feel an urge to do to the point where I’m willing to do the dirty work to achieve that?  I had the drive to code, but now I don’t.

I got a lot more thinking to do.