Yes, I am using a thesaurus.
There appears to be a disturbing trend lately at least here in Long Beach of women who have a defect with their olfactory organs. Perhaps it is the aura of the fire last week that created the defect. The fragrancy of burnt cedar was definitely overpowering. But to excuse their effluvium masked as a claimed boutique of essence on the stench of the fire is inexcusable.
Okay, I have abused the thesaurus quite enough there.
Look, if I am able to smell your perfume in an empty elevator, you used too much. If I am able to smell your perfume walking down an open air field without seeing any humans in sight, you used too much. If I am able to take the stairs, and smell your perfume through the fire door on a floor I am climbing, you used too much. If I am able to smell your perfume while waiting at a stop light with my windows halfway down, you used too much.
Are you so traumatized by the tale of Hansel and Gretel to the point where you must find an alternative means for people to find you instead of the unreliable breadcrumbs? I do not think they really say, “I am woman, smell me roar!”
Please, when you pull out that perfume, use the absolute minimum as possible. Plus get a man’s opinion (preferably a gay man, not a guy who’s trying to figure out how to get in your pants, and is willing to lie all the way up and down if he thinks you’ll spread the legs wider) on your choice of perfume. Once you find the right perfume for yourself (and honestly, sometimes you just should decide to do without, especially with a good deodorant), use it sparsely.
I do not want to smell you when I can’t even have the pleasure (or displeasure?) of seeing you.
