Why do we call ourselves old farts? Is there such a thing as farting that’s so old that the rancid smell disappears only to float around? They like to say that the air disperse so much that every breath we take in have at least a molecule exhaled from Julius Caesar as he takes his last gasp after being murdered. However, is it diverse enough to contain a single sulfur atom from his last fart?
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Some friends of an old gentleman decided to get him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker. She went to his house and knocked on the door. Upon opening it she said “Hi I am your birthday present.”
He responded, “What am I supposed to do with you?”
“I am yours for super sex”, she answers.
He replies: “Well I am 90 years old so I will take the soup.”
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One day, I was doing something inconsequential to this tale; I suddenly had a thought about an old friend of mine from back in high school. It came out of the blue, with no rhyme and rhythm behind it that I could figure out. It was a nice and fond memory about her, causing me to wonders what she may be up to, and wherever she might be. But I did not do anything about it, as I have so much on my plate to worry about at the moment.
But I do hope that I will be able to catch up with her soon, before it is too late. Now I am starting to understand what it means to grow old.
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Do you know the four signs of growing old?
1. Forgetting names
2. Forgetting faces
3. Forgetting to zip up
4. Forgetting to zip down
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This is why I am doing this blog – there is just way too many people that have touched my life, including a very special man, and there’s just far too little amount of time for me to repeat the same tales, even for this special man. So once again, I am putting up an effort to at least put my thoughts on something more tangible, so I am able to share them with everyone, including my dear special man.
That man is my father, and today is his birthday. Daddy, happy old farts day.
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An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.
The pharmacist said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?”
The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.”
The pharmacist said “That won’t do you any good.”
The elderly gentleman said “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore, as I’m over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes”.
