Note: This was written on September 25, 2005.
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Hi, I am T.J., a consultant with a multi-national company. Basically, I am the resident geek, all-knowledgeable, and all powerful with the tools we sell to our clients. But that is not the primary concern with this journal. What I hope to do here is to provide one of gazillion of insight within my life. Particularly, my travel life.
In the past year, I have flown an estimated 250,000 miles, have far too many stamps on my passport, slept in foreign bed more often than my own, and live around my clients for more hours than with my neighbors. I am currently an elite dude with no less than two dozen airlines (of course, I cheated, and counted Star Alliance & Skyteam as part of my elite team — I am really just a Chairman for US Airways, and Gold for Continental). Hertz worship the ground I walk, Marriott laughs all the way to the bank.
I am a real life traveler. Suck on that, Weasley Crusher! (Mind you, Wil Wheaton is one very cool internet-savvy dude with a lot to say about HIS own life. Check out his blog.)
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One thing I want to ask everyone today, who may have flown a plane. As part of the plane ride, we go through the aerial version of potholes — turbulences. Luckly for us, most planes are designed to flex nicely through all but the most severe of vibrations (although one plane crash in 2001 outside of JFK airport in New York City illustrate how bad things could go if you have fractures in your composite parts — illustrating the importance of maintenance inspections. Some other time, I would love to make some illustration of how far we have come along in air safety.
So, turbulence. Jiggle-jiggle-jiggle goes the plane from time to time.
Now let me tell you about bathrooms. In most planes, they have a very small area in the front and back (and sometimes in the middle) that they reserve for the lavatory. Anyone willing to join the mile-high club are usually finding themselves in such a small space that is just barely enough for one, let alone two people. With some close and very intimate motions, it would work, and the experience no doubt would be enhanced by the potholes. Such a shame I haven’t found any volunteers to conduct some experiments with yet.
That aside, the normal function of the lavatory is to expell whatever snacks (or the occasional meals) the airliners decide to serve, along with the drinks (both free and the overpriced cheap booze) throughout the flight.
Now, as men, we share one ultimost benefit over women — a penis. This amazing device is capable of not only be used for pleasure, but also enable us to pee standing up. This capability extends to the zipper pants, and the briefs or boxers with slits, allowing us to slip out ego-enabler out to the world in order to expel highly filtered water (with some coloring, minerals, and other stuff that is not quite good for you at all.)
Now, when we slip out the salami, within the tight cramped barely-large-enough-to-bang cubicle-like space, aim the tanker hose toward a toilet seat, 2-3 feet away, all while the plane is undergoing a weight-loss plan, ‘30-jiggly-style; (*deep breath*) How in the blue hell can anyone pee in this situation?
Whenever I feel the little bumps, my spincher just tighten up automatically. Unconsciously, I wouldn’t dare find myself peeing toward a spot that may splash against my feet (or elsewhere!)
Seriously, I always had to sit down like a girl in this situation. Is the same true for all of you guys? Can you actually say, “Screw it, my aim is olympic-quality”, and let a stream rip? What do you usually do when you just won’t go, other than be a girl?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Fly on!
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- Each year, approximately 58 people in the United States are injured by turbulence while not wearing their seat belts.
- From 1980 through June 2004, U.S. air carriers had 198 turbulence accidents*, resulting in 266 serious injuries and three fatalities.
- There are currently no US federal regulation forbiddening you from using the lavatory when the fasten seatbelt indicator are lit during normal flight.
